Here is where your adventure together begins! Sit down with your daughter and brainstorm things you’ve never done together before. It could be a place you’ve never visited (a new museum, state park, or landmark). It could be an activity you’ve never done together (fishing, a rock climbing wall, or dancing). It can be anything new that you both think would be fun!

If you are struggling for ideas, use Google to search for “fun things to do it (insert your town)”. Browse through the articles together and find some things you both feel good about.

Make a list and then narrow it down to the top two, and then make a specific plan to do those two things together over the next month. Make it quality time for just the two of you.

This challenge is about finding purpose together by exploring your daughter’s skills, talents, and interests. You may want to explore a new activity together – maybe she’s always wanted to learn to paint and you can take a painting class together. Or maybe she wants to do something with you she normally does with other adults or friends. Find places you can enter into her world you’ve never been before. Help her with her homework or take her to basketball practice and stay afterward to learn to shoot hoops with her friends. Or, look for places you’ve never brought her into your world. Take her to work with you for a half day. Share a favorite book or movie with her. Ask her about her dream job and spend some time together learning about that field.

Again, sit down with your daughter and brainstorm, and then pick two or three things you can do together over the next month. When you find things that really light her up and you enjoy together, make it part of your normal routine.

Week 1: What you SAY matters to me

This week is all about engaging in active listening. Talk to your daughter, ask her questions, and then work hard to practice active listening, being warm and responsive to what she says.

Here is a short video on active listening: https://youtu.be/z_-rNd7h6z8

How else can you show your daughter this week that what she says matters to you?

Week 2: What you NEED matters to me

This week is all about meeting her needs. Some of her needs are things she expresses, and some of them are things that you know as her father. Work on meeting needs like:

- affection

- safety

- discipline

- physical (food, clothing, sleep)

- family time

Which of these needs (or others) do you know deep down you haven’t been meeting?

What is one thing you can do this week to start moving that in the right direction?

Week 3: WHO YOU ARE matters to me

This week is all about worth and identity. The goal here is to show your daughter that you love her for exactly who she is… that there is nothing she can ever do to earn your love or to lose your love. Your love isn’t based on anything that she does, but rather on the intrinsic worth that she has as a human being.

Plan something special to say the words your daughter needs to hear. She needs to hear these things from you often, but creating a special moment is a good place to start. You can create a special moment by going to a special place (the beach at sunset), cooking or ordering in a special meal, or dressing up and presenting her with a small gift. Make it a quiet, private time without interruption from others.

Write words from your heart and speak then into your daughter’s eyes. This might be uncomfortable for you, but stay with it. Your daughter’s heart is worth it!

To get you started, here are some identity shaping truths daughters need to hear from their dads:

You are beautiful – inside and out.

I love you and I always will.

You are special to me, and you have been since you were born.

I believe in you.

I will always be here for you.